Overcoming the Guilt of Our Fathers and Ourselves

…you repay the guilt of fathers to their children after them…

~ Jeremy 32:18, ESV ~

Upon entering recovery, and spiritual healing, we are confronted with the guilt and shame that has plagued us in our dysfunctional environments; and, how our own roles have affected the environment of our own children. Through the lens of hindsight, we are able to see clearly how we may have been better parents. We also recall the unfairness of our growing up with toxic parents. How are we able to expect our own children to forgive us if we are unwilling to forgive our own parents? How are we able to come to a place to forgive us for being a toxic role model for our own children?

Yet, there is a powerful necessity for us to face our shame and guilt. This is because we have long imitated our own fathers and mothers in their toxicity and dysfunctions. Not only imitate, we had continued committing similar transgressions. And, we pass this toxic legacy onto our children who engage in similar transgressions. We are stuck at a crossroads of resenting our toxic parents, and, knowing our children may grow up resenting us. All the while, we also have come to resent who we are as individuals and parents.

This mixture of guilt, shame, bitterness, and resentment is part of our need for recovery. Not just for our need of recovery, but, for our need to recover for our family’s overall health and well-being. Had we remain the same, and never learn anything new, we would not have to feel guilty about our past. Nor, face our need to let go of those resentments. Our spiritual renewal commands us to walk in forgiveness toward self and others. 

Today, as we engage in our mindful and spiritual recovery; let us keep in mind that that our children are not helped by our harboring of shame, guilt, resentment, and bitterness. No, they are helped by our constant focus in amending our lives toward a more focused meaningful and purposeful way of living. By embracing our own resentments, forgiving our parents – whether they are still living or have passed on – and forgiving ourselves, we are enriching all generations by repairing those broken connections.

Through us, God’s steadfast love is shown to thousands where we further strengthen our faith to where we receive favor of God’s divine sovereign Grace. Our legacy no longer becomes one of toxicity, fear, manipulation, abuse, and dysfunction. It becomes one of strength, empowerment, endurance, forgiveness, and faithfulness.

Let us accept, and commit, to the increased consciousness where our recovery brings – without punishment – acknowledgment, validation, and forgiveness in order to work toward becoming whole.